Badass Report: King Badass Capt. “Mad” Jack Churchill

Just wow…

Jack Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill, called “Mad” Jack joined the Manchester Regiment of the British Army in 1926. After exploring the Indian subcontinent on a motorcycle for several years just ‘cuz, and learning bagpipes, he retired. He worked odd jobs and learned archery, but a guy like Mad Jack wasn’t happy as a civilian and re-joined as WWII was getting going. The battlefields of WWII were to prove his salt and earn him his nick name.

As the Germans pushed the French and Brits back to the sea at Dunkirk, Mad Jack refused to give in, fighting guerilla warfare, riding his motorcycle, with his bow on is back, swinging a giant Scottish broadsword! Despite being shot in the neck, he attacked German positions medieval style with his long bow and sword, basically freaking the Nazis out big time. He has the claim to fame of making the last recorded long bow kill in action.

Returning to England, he volunteered for the new group called the Commandos, sure he could fight more Germans that way. He assaulted many German positions in the Brit Special Forces, often playing the bagpipes while riding to battle, and leading the charge with his broadsword above his head.

He won many awards for bravery, one for attacking a much larger German force in Italy by leading his unit to surround the occupied town at night, then charging from every direction yelling “COMMANDOS” as loud as possible. With only 50 men they killed a pile o’ Germans, and took 136 prisoners.

One night he single-handedly took 42 German prisoners using only his sword! He basically snuck up on the Nazis, from foxhole to foxhole, skewering them with his sword or taking them captive. When asked how one man could do such a thing, he replied, “I maintain that, as long as you tell a German loudly and clearly what to do, if you are senior to him he will cry ‘jawohl’ (yes sir) and get on with it enthusiastically and efficiently whatever the situation.” – a true badass.

Eventually the Germans captured him. His whole team was killed or wounded and he was out of ammo (and missing his sword) so he just started playing the bagpipes until they captured him and threw him into Sachsenhausen Concentration Camp. Of course, being Mad Jack, he escaped and made it to the Baltic Sea, where he was recaptured and sent to an Austrian POW camp. Of course he escaped again, walking 150 miles through the Alps until he ran into US forces.

The war was ending in Europe, so naturally he went to Burma to keep fighting, but Japan surrendered before he got the chance. He reportedly said, “If it wasn’t for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years.”

Once WWII was over he didn’t want to get bored, so he trained as a paratrooper and went to fight Arabs in Palestine, finally retiring in 1959 and surfing the rest of his life.

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